epic failure

I am bored and alone in this empty room . There have been many times that I fall and stumble but unfortunately I was able to stand and cope up as past as I could. This past few weeks I work my ass so hard and was be able to finish all my task and required requirements (which I don’t have a choice) and luckily I DID it with a big smile on my face (hanggang tenga) shhh but this time it wasn't my lucky day and wishing that I could just sleep and laugh so that this feeling will be gone in a few...

I sobbed I wailed I shook and convulsed. And I wished I’d never chosen to feel them, but rather kept pushing them down pretending everything was fine that was my true Identity. I did everything, what normal depressed and crazy human being did (drink) except when I did all that they didn’t just go away they compounded on top each other and built up until eventually I exploded (cry), with no idea why I felt so bad.
But crying is useless, you cant bring back the time and change everthing. How I wish I can build a time machine because I know for sure that this stupidity wont be happening.

During that time all I did is to ask myself why? what just happen? j


I was so lucky enough that I have my true friends (you know who you are). you guys gave me strength, courage and power to face this kind of pain. I know that when you was calling me and giving me advice I was the one who was pushing you away and getting mad. (init ng ulo) and I was thankful enough that you never give up on me. A big thanks for each and everyone of you. I am thankful with this particular person who didn’t leave me and stay with me when I need a person to lean on, you just lessen my depression and sadness  thank you. I have this friend who txted me and made me smile, laugh and cry at the same time (multitasking) even if your txt is hilarious you just made me realize something. 

However I know for sure that god has plan for everything, he wont be giving me this hard time because he knows that I can survive maybe not now but in a few days and weeks I can smile without faking it. Pain is part of life and we can’t avoid it by resisting it. We can only minimize it by accepting it and dealing with it well.

That means feeling the pain and knowing it will pass (even it hurt the most). No feeling lasts forever. It means sitting in the discomfort and waiting before acting. There will come a time when you feel healed and empowered. (in time) But the reality was a lot simpler  I simply never dealt with my feelings from events large and small and eventually they dealt with me.